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Hey, habits, even bad ones, take time to perfect. You don't just pick them up overnight. So the fact that you've had more than your fair share of sex in this life, while undoubtedly a great source of pride to you, probably means that over the years you've developed a few bad habits -- maybe learned to cut a few corners here and there in the bedroom. Happens to the best. Show us a gorgeous woman and we'll show you a man who's making love to her on autopilot at least once in a while. The problem here is that women, under the misguided impression that we men have delicate egos, are not always inclined to point out ways we can improve our lovemaking. So the bad habits endure. Replacing your bad sexual habits with some of the better ones here will result in a much happier and more satisfied partner, which, being the selfless sort that you are, is the only thing that really interests you. We should mention, in passing, that it could also result in bedpost-rattling, plaster-loosening, forget-your-own-name, animalistic fun for you, too. In case you're interested. Habit #1: Be handy, man When it comes to using your hands to get her worked up, you can't afford to be all thumbs, at least according to the book The Guide to Getting It On! So next time your fingers are doing their love thing, make sure you... Get them in the right position
When a woman masturbates, she often rests her wrist on her lower abdomen just above the pubic bone. If this is what your partner does, try to do the same, since it will influence the way your fingers feel on her vulva. Try lying parallel to your partner and reaching your arm over her body until your fingers can reach her crotch. This allows your fingers to approach from the same angle that her own fingers do. Wait for it to come to you
Great lovers know to start with light, gentle caresses that barely touch the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go any further until she spreads her legs and/or her pelvis begins to arch upward. Then tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers inside. Flick your wrist Men typically use only one finger when they get down around the action zone. When your lover does herself, however, she gets her entire wrist into the motion, even if only one finger is actually touching her vulva. This is a subtle and important detail that the great ones all know. Habit #2: Stay in training "A man can learn a lot about being a better lover through masturbation -- even if he has a regular partner," says Peter Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a San Francisco clinical sexologist. "One of men's biggest concerns during sex is that they'll come too soon. Regular masturbation is the perfect way to learn to recognize the signs that you're getting close to orgasm." Here's how to get the most out of Solo Orgasm 101. Slow down "The fear of being found out motivates boys to learn to masturbate to orgasm as quickly as possible," says Patricia Love, Ed.D., a marriage and family therapist in Houston and author of Hot Monogamy. The trouble is, these quickies condition your sexual responses in such a way that you end up climaxing much faster than you'd like to with a partner. An occasional lightning orgasm is okay, but try to set aside some time when you can relax and masturbate for 20 minutes or so. Lighten up Another danger of high-speed wanking is that a jackhammer stroke creates sensations that can't be reproduced when you're not the only one in the room. "Some men get so used to the hard, fast strokes that they have trouble climaxing with a partner," says Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Super Sexual Orgasm. To master a new stroke, try switching hands, which will make you very conscious of every move you make and defeat any "automatic" movements. Habit #3: Broaden your horizons An effective lover knows there's more to sex than intercourse. "He doesn't simply grab a woman's breasts and then dive for her crotch," says Robert Birch, Ph.D., a marital and sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio. Instead, he "sees intercourse as one of many options." Our sex therapists mentioned many possibilities, from using sex toys to rubbing your penis on different parts of your partner's body, to watching her masturbate. "The essential attitude -- especially in a long-term relationship -- is that nothing in particular has to happen during any sex act," says Constance Avery-Clark, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Coral Springs, Florida. |
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